Margaret’s Volunteering Journey

Margaret, a mum of two adult children and grandmother to a baby granddaughter, decided to volunteer for Archie’s Child Bereavement Service after retiring as a consultant paediatrician in 2023.

She had specialised in working with children with cancer and haematology problems and has seen for herself how that that impacted on families and all the other issues they must deal with. She first because aware of Archie in her role as clinical director, when she sat on Archie’s Tayside fundraising committee as medical advisor.

“When I became aware that Archie was setting up a child bereavement service in Tayside – it interested me because I had done palliative care as part of my job. I was aware though that there was a lack of ongoing support and post bereavement care for families, particularly children and young people,” said Margaret, who lives in Perth.

“The focus in the health service was looking after the children who were patients and not necessarily on the families who had lost a child. I knew there was a gap there and this type of support service was badly needed, so a year ago I volunteered to become a bereavement responder for Archie’s Child Bereavement Service.”

Margaret currently provides support for two young people, one who is 10 who lost a grandparent and a teenager who lost a parent, both in sudden circumstances.

The times and places that Margaret and other volunteers meet with the children is very flexible and based on personal preferences, so the young person feels comfortable and able to talk freely.

She meets with the younger child at home, where a parent is present, but not in the room during meetings.

The older child prefers to meet at school, where they have access to a private room, with additional support on Teams or by phone whenever it’s needed.

Margaret has found that younger children often want to talk whilst playing or doing crafts whereas teenagers often want to talk with no distractions.

“For younger children we provide a safe place to talk and can express their feelings to parents when they are struggling to,” she said. “Parents can then relax and become more able to talk about what has been a painful time for all with their children. It can also be helpful to chat to a parent at the beginning and end of the sessions.

“I’ve found that with teenagers it is primarily about listening and allowing them to express how they feel, giving them space where they don’t have to be brave and can be upset safely. Sometimes talking about what has happened or the person they have lost allows them to refresh and imprint important memories.”

With both age groups Margaret has helped them make memories in ways that they want and are meaningful for them, such as a special memory jar or a journal on their computer.

The Archie Foundation’s team of bereavement support workers provides comprehensive training programme for its volunteers including through online sessions.

They discuss the tools that can be used to help children of various ages and at different stages and raise awareness of the wide range of Archie resources that are available to them.

While Margaret first became aware of Archie through her career, having a medical background or knowledge is not a requirement to becoming a supporter of the bereavement service and volunteers come from all walks of life.

“It was my experience as a mother that had more relevance than my professional work,” she said. “I think also it’s sometimes your own life experiences you draw on. I never knew one of my grandparents and my other granny died when I was 16.

“It can be a case of being aware how you felt at the time and what you thought about some of the decisions that were made for you at the time. You might not have agreed with those decisions or thought they were fair, but parents do what they think is best and you can discuss that with the child.”

Margaret said there is a real need for more bereavement responders to come forward in Tayside and that volunteers can get a lot from the experience.

“There are many children out there who would benefit from this and families who would benefit from support who aren’t getting the help they need at the moment.

“But it’s very rewarding and I feel a real sense of usefulness in doing this. Sometimes if you retire you might feel you no longer have anything to contribute but that’s not true. This gives me a real sense of purpose. I also just enjoy being with young people and being able to help them.

“For anyone considering becoming a supporter I would say that helping young people who have lost someone is not as scary as it might seem. You get a lot of guidance and support

from Archie about what approach is appropriate for different age groups and you can express a preference for supporting younger or older children.

“It’s about being able to listen, being prepared to meet people on their terms, and not be afraid of silences. Sometimes it’s appropriate just to say nothing.”

For more information on Archie’s Child Bereavement Service, click here.